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Making a Duct Tape Tie

 

Somewhere in the lonely state of Washington, there lives a funny little man who can make anything out of duct tape. Duct tape is the cement and steel girders of the common man-and the silk of the strange one. What with contests being hosted for the best duct tape dresses and tuxes for high school proms, this material has clearly stuck itself to society. Setting aside the bulk of the craft projects our funny little man has crafted-book covers, seat cushions, hats, jackets, umbrellas, and wallets, to name a few-we want to focus on a single, solitary fashion blunder.

The duct tape tie is one of the most unique fashion accessories known to man. While duct tape itself is considered cliché by highbrow sorts, the difficulty of creating anything out of duct tape that is more involved than a bookmark lends itself to relative uniqueness. The little man from Washington knew this principle very well. Carefully, he crafted a duct tape necktie, putting nearly as much love into it as he had into his other duct tape creations. When his duct tape tie was complete, he knew just what to do.

He gave it away.

With no blame to be attached, he was free to gleefully watch the fashion atrocity that throttled his co-conspirator and to laugh along with the crowd as his friend blissfully bore his style blunder throughout the day—until somebody pointed out its lameness. When the duct tape tie was finally removed and a few days had passed, it became just another laugh. We know—you’re the kind of person that always wishes that you could look back in life and laugh at something the way our Washingtonian friend laughs about his acquaintance and the duct tape necktie. Pay close attention, then; here is, on your very own, how to make a tie out of duct tape.

The first method is extremely simple. A duct tape tie can begin with a trip to a thrift store. Find the ugliest, cheapest, skinniest tie that you can. Buy it—and a roll of duct tape—and proceed to tape the monstrosity out of visual existence. This guarantees that you will get the shape right. It’s also good practice for making your next tie template-free. For a duct tape tie that you make without template or guide, there are two approaches. The first involves using a duct tape skeleton (instead of the cheap tie skeleton); the second does not. We’ll explain the skeleton first.

To make your tie’s duct tape backbone, roll out a length of duct tape that approximates the length of tie that you want. Lay it on a flat surface, sticky side up. Now, envision two lines; one that cuts it in half lengthwise, and one that cuts it in half widthwise. Take the corner of one end of the tape and fold it in to the imaginary lengthwise line for fully half of the tape’s length (in other words, right down to the line that cuts the tape in half widthwise). Repeat for the other corner, and you should have about a foot and a half of sticky-side-up tape that is rectangular and connected to the other foot and a half that looks like a very, very tall trapezoid. Starting at the bottom, wrap the backbone with duct tape in a zigzag pattern. Turning the tie over, zigzag in the other direction to fill the gaps. Be sure to taper your zigs and zags as you go up so that the tie comes out perfectly sloped from a wide bottom to the narrow top. Repeat this wrapping as many times as needed, and be sure to fold things accordingly to make the triangle at both ends. Without a backbone is the same—you just have to wrap thin air. It probably takes some practice (and as you go, you might find easier methods), so start with wrapping a cheap tie. Remember, you bought it in the first place because it was not a very good tie at all. After all—wearing a bad tie is a universal fashion blunder. But wearing a duct tape tie—that is a fashion blunder worth blundering.

comedian monique clothing line includes duct tape ties! (kindof)

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